nwasianweekly.com
Sept. 2, 2006

Photo by Amy Lu

Jin Tan

By Zhao
For the Northwest Asian Weekly

Most Asian kids grow up with the influence of parents and friends. I grew up pretty much without my parents; I lived with my grandparents. My mom moved to America after she and my dad divorced when I was nine years old. My dad lived with his mom and he didn’t visit often. His mom didn’t want me around because she thought that that would affect my dad’s second marriage. When my friends talked about how they had fights with their parents, I was a little jealous. By the time I was fourteen, my mom had gotten remarried in America.

I was shocked when I heard the news, because it was unusual for a Chinese woman to remarry back then. My mom married an American whose name is Art Patterson. She arranged for me to immigrate to America. That is when my conflicts with my mom began; my dad is still in China. I don’t know what he is doing, as we have not had any contact in four years.

My mom is very protective of me. She told me, “No girlfriends until you enter university.” I cannot go outside of the house by myself or have a party at my friend’s house. Maybe that’s because I was so young when she left me, she feels guilty about it and wants to make it up to me. If I am one minute late coming home, my mom will get mad at me and yell at me. Of course, that’s where the conflict started, because of our disagreement on certain things

Even when I fought with my mom, I thought that it was good that she was there. Not all kids in the world have a parent, or two, who care about them.

I’ve got to say having parents is a good thing: they give you food to eat and clothes to wear and they buy you birthday gifts. I never had a birthday gift until I was 14 years old.

That is just my personal experience; I don’t know about others, but I know some kids have it a whole lot worse. For example, what if a kid’s parents are doing drugs? Who suffers the most? It’s the kid. I think kids like that will never receive a gift from their parents.

Parents have a big influence on their kids, and I learned that the hard way

My grandparents took good care of me, but I was a bad boy in school. I got into fights all the time with other kids because they made fun of me. I had a weak body, so I was always the one who would lose the fights. My grades were not very good and my teachers scolded me all the time.

After I came to America, I became a good student and most of the time my teachers liked me. I know that is because I am with my parents, and I mean real parents.

Zhao can be reached at info@nwasianweekly.com

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